Listen, lady, I’m sorry your kid is such a fu*k-up. I’m sorry he got suspended from school for calling the school custodian a bitch. I’m sorry he’s fat and depressed. I’m sorry your other kid isn’t much better – though he’s in the ROTC, and that surely won’t fu*k with his head. I’m sorry the principal won’t move her car from in front of your mailbox, but yes you are lucky the tow truck company owner lives right down the street. I’m sorry your fat and depressing and look like that lady from Total Recall who can only say two weeks. But please! For the love of all that is pure and decent! All I asked for was a trim! Wouldya just shut the hell up and cut my hair? Auughh.
And you — in the booth next to me — simply fascinating story about the divorce lawyer picking up the divorcee. Thanks for all the man hating.