June 2003 Archives

Found the camera connection...So here is a preview -- Dad built an arbor under which see-store and J.B. will get hitched. Cousin Jenn presiding. The arbor is surrounded by stadium seating...After the ceremony it's under the big top for the party...I have to go help with the rest of setting up - as my mother is freaking out.

Golf game was off. Can't find adaptor for camera...and the forecast calls for rain tomorrow right in the middle of the ceremony. Oops.

I made it to the parental units' abode in one piece. I have been here less than an hour and already my mother has fed me - my father has supplied me with beer - and there is a huge tent in the backyard which I will take pictures of tomorrow. In the morning we are going to get our tuxedos - and then I will kick my brother's ass all over the golf course...I would kick his ass in just the fairway - but he never seems to hit the ball there. Rehearsal and some more setting up is on the agenda as well. See-store is at her bachelorette party - so I have yet to see her...Gotta hit the hay. Big day today tomorrow -- much love -

Never wear a green golf shirt to Kroger unless you want confused people coming up to you at every aisle asking you where stuff is.

She came to get her final check today. I was kinda surprised how awkward I felt. Running and hiding when she first pulled up. She brought her son. He has an outy belly button - just like me. We gave him the smily rubber elastic hat and some gum -- then showed him how he looked in the mirror. He was funny. Quiet but confident. He liked to talk about his trampouline. I didn't really talk to her. The absurdity of it all kept me in a cloud. Of all the times where I felt the next words coming out of my mouth in conversation with her were gonna be stupid - this was the first time I realized that they would be both stupid and pointless. Pointless.

I'm looking forward to the drive by myself to Michigan on Thursday for see-store's wedding. It'll give me a lotta time to think. Put things in perspective. Ya know. It will also give me time to finish what I started with the Skagway stories - not to mention get rid of all those 404 codes people are getting since the server switch...Mmmmm...hand coded html...

My great and wondrous friend Mike and I put a new fuel filter in today. Following instructions from MyFordFocus.com, since the Hayes' editor was a moron and didn't include the process in his book - Ya go to routine maintenance - chapter 1 - for fuel filter replacement - and it tells ya to go to chapter 4. Ya go to chapter 4 and it tells you to see chapter 1. pfft. Anyhow - the web page says half an hour to an hour - but being virginal with the process - it took us two hours. I owe Mike beer. The check engine light had come on yesterday - and pops said to check out the fuel filter - the manual said check the clutch. Score one for the veteran Ford employee pops - and screw Hayes again. Still need to take the baby in for a tune-up though...I think the spark plugs are shot. She's chugging in acceleration.

And now ladies and gentleman...the next president of the United States of America --

How's Big Brother in your neck of the woods -- via kottke - a 150 page report on global internet censorship...The United States is evaluated on one page here....
Dubya's boys reinventing the threat to humanity from tailpipe exhaust and removing words that reveal it in the E.P.A's report as described in the NYTimes.

Apparently I'm wrong about her. Apparently nobody fired her - her just couldn't work with the owner...couldn't take him --- cause he can be a dry, sarcastic bully. So I guess she quit on her own. People said things about her...They hurt my feeling. So I'll listen to Ween until I feel better - or until I have to head to work. I got to vent out my frustrations a little...Concerns and what not with the gm, aka - Colito. But I think Shell-Bell knows best - and I wouldn't mind having a study partner for the GRE...There's a birthday party for Kara tonight - I'd like to go but I'll be flipping burgers. Don't know the details either - perhaps someone will call...

Closed down the bar last night. Just like old times. They're having music there on Thursday nights again - Vicki Salz being the featured artist last night...

Theme Song for this entry - L-O-V-E - Irving which can be found along with many others here via fimoculous - and screw Orrin Hatch...download it while you read...

While I was away - I had plenty of time to myself and plenty of time to let my mind wander over the many things that my life either is or is not. There was also plenty of recidivist behavior that I am still trying to break myself from. But perhaps the most intriguing chapter missing from the confines of this blog would have to be the many waves of emotion I allowed my heart to ride upon. As the sign to the right clearly states - Yezbick is still available - and an uncaged beast is wont to look upon the grounds before it - snuffling at the earth in search of prey. That description is, of course, the extreme exaggeration of my situation in respect to significant others...The truth is - I lack certain predatory skills - and rarely do I find myself in the proper hunting grounds. (women's lib groups would eat me alive.) I don't get out much these days. When I do - it is easy to find me behind bars - literally and figuratively, surrounded by the comforts of common members of my pride. New faces are rare - and single faces seem to be even more so.

Just the other day I mentioned to B and Shell-Bell how Ariel announced she was to tie the knot - get hitched - marry - since she has now graduated college. B's response, "Geez, It's spreading like a disease!" It was an apt observation. I guess I'm just at that age where either your friends all pack up and head out west - (Bruisee and DAAAAANNN, where are you?) or slip on a gold band and head off into the sunset. Por ejemplo - there's April and David, who've spread their wedding photos for all to see...then there's a multitude of people talking about their friends getting married - millie and jason attending quite a few in the past few days. Then - this coming november - Kristen and Colito are planning on tying the knot. Well -- now - my own kin are getting into the act. My sister will be married in a week - to J.B. - and I will be wearing a tux. I just finished getting fitted over at the Men's Wearhouse...Sister has already tried on mom's old wedding dress, and all that's left now is the journey back to the parental units' home - where the ceremony will be held in the back yard.

The strangest of beings always seem to catch my fancy. If I did the best thing for me and found myself, as see-store suggested on the phone the other evening, in a counseling session - the therapist would most likely tell me that I am pursuing the unpursuable on purpose. I must say that my affections do tend to be directed towards persons who are already involved - as was the case with the latest...we'll just call her J, or better yet -- we'll call her - her.
Her was the latest and greatest of the full time hirings at the deli. I'm using the past tense now because her employment is no longer a reality - the result of two no call no show performances...She had cat eyes - done up with the mascara - and a kooky sense of humor rivaling all fellow co-workers, save mine. And there was an odd sensation that seemed to envelop us whenever we found ourselves passing our shifts concurrently. Which was rare. She was the morning deli/catering queen - I the evening cook/manager king (oh yeah, I'm management now, btw. which means I may have to recant some statements I made in the past - number 25 on the list - although that could refer to the job rather than the people - so maybe I'll let it stand). But when we did come together there were invisible bolts that shot through me - and everything I heard in my mind before it came out of my mouth I had to think twice about allowing to escape as I felt the giddiness taking hold and feared that any one syllable I could utter in my state was surely to be insignificant and droll in her view. But she never let on that that was true. She always smiled - and more often - laughed.

"Thus, neither having the clue to the other's secret thing, they were respectively puzzled at what each revealed, and awaited new knowledge of each other's character and moods without attempting to pry into each other's history." - Thomas Hardy, Tess D'Ubervilles

Her also had a kid. and a man. Nothing pained me more than the mere mention of the man's name - and the realization and ensuing denial of my lack of responsibility when thinking about, as Homer would say, "the boy." But it always seemed so warm and fuzzy that I never really minded. I really just wanted her around - because it has become a rare occasion that I come across someone who can make me feel so stupidly happy. Perhaps it was the moment she came back into the kitchen and strolling by, then taking a few steps back, she stopped by the stereo that was playing my cd's, and listened for a moment - her head tilted upon her swan neck, long black hair cast away from her ear - and remarking - "Drive-By Truckers?" To which I, wholly impressed, replied (feeling stupid and giddy) - to the affirmative.

Perhaps she's at the DBT concert tonight. She doesn't have to be up for work tomorrow. All I know is that I looked at the schedule for next week today and didn't see her name there. I did, however, spot a familiar name from the past - who had also managed to accomplish quite a few no call no shows in his stint at the Deli. I wasn't happy. I etched out a note to the owner - in anger. And now that note is stuck into the cork of the bulletin board in the office - waiting to be read tomorrow - and I wouldn't be surprised if his reaction wasn't akin to one of the comments from yesterday - left by Mr. Schlep..."Asshole." Ah well...I wish her the best. I always referred to it as a schoolboy crush -- something I knew I was raising above reality - something I could never reach...But I really, really wish I could. I wish I had the foundation to be able to make any relationship work...But of course that foundation has to start with me...

"There is no erotic situation which, while insinuating and exciting, does not fail to indicate unmistakeably that things can never go that far." - Max Horkheimer and Theodore Adorno - The Dialectic of Enlightenment

If you don't already know the story of why the site was missing for so long -- read on to the extended tale...
Something I noticed yesterday - if you do a search for - this is your brain on blog on google -- you'll see that there is another site out there with that title. Apparently it was around prior to this site - but was down for a few months right after we took off...So I'm thinking about changing the name of my site, but wouldn't mind hearing some suggestions...I'm thinking about something like - yezbick.com: Yet Another Revisionist Historian...
Some things I noticed and bookmarked while I was away -
barkingmoose.com - caught my eye.
artnotes an art and art history blog
Dr. Phil Soundboard
Electronic Privacy Information Center - is Big Brother watching you?
girlyhead magazine
Dubya's Resume
MONKEYSUIT!!! Comix - high speed internet connection suggested
rc3's pre-war civilian casualties conjecture - contrasted with Fred Kaplan's -- the big word in Iraq now is water...
One night after several beers -- I held up a record and studied its grooves -- it was then I noticed that you could see familiar changes -- the breaks and what not were right there in front of you. I did a search and came up with this article about a man who can identify entire symphonys just by looking at the grooves...
gridcosm is a collaborative art project.
Soul Source - found in a search for info on Detroit Guitar God Dennis Coffey
Crunchy Gods - Aesthetically pleasing - yet it will get you walking in circles...
Clowns are scary
Ceci n'est pas une guerre (c'est l'amour) This is Not War (It's Love) A Kottke Silent Film.
The Ten Commandments of Weblogging via plasticbag

Adieu

That's right. I'm finally back on the air. Now I'm too exhausted to write...
So -- I think I'll go back to doing what I've done for the past two months - thanks to Plasticbag's link from a while back to these singing horses...They make me feel like a musical genius. More soon...I need to rest my eyes and mind before Music Trivia...