Yezbick Thanksgiving 2004: Not Even the Tables are Safe!

Many of you dear readers that have been following along with me for some time will no doubt be able to recall successive entries that were splashed across these pages back in August . The first was an explanatory introduction that detailed my rendition of memorable, err, hair razing events that had occurred nearly two years prior during the Thanksgiving season. That detail was clarified in the follow-up entry -- a featured guest entry from my cousin Jennifer.

(I am rather surprised to see that those entries occurred such a relatively short time ago. I suppose this time gap with reality was brought about by the massive amounts of confusion molecules that were pumping to and fro throughout my body in the first two months following my move.)

Perhaps it was the festive mood of the holidays. Perhaps it was a long swelling desire to recapture the headlines here. Perhaps it was the five margaritas she consumed early in the evening combined with the competitive environment - but Jennifer has managed to throw herself back into the spotlight with an event that nearly tops her flaming extravaganza of 2002.

The evening following a wonderful Thanksgiving found a large portion of the Yezbick clan gathered together at Grandmother's house for the delights of pizza, conversation and games - namely, a hard fought match of Spoons. For those of you who haven't had the good fortune of playing the fast paced card game known as spoons - a short explanatory note follows of our version:

Spoons: A number of players gather around a table having a number of spoons one short of the number of players evenly spaced upon the center of the table so that each player has equal opportunity to reach for and grab a spoon. Two decks of playing cards minus the jokers are shuffled and each player is dealt four cards. The dealer places the rest of the deck by their side and draws from the deck. In an effort to acquire four of a kind - the dealer then discards to their right -- the discard being acquired by the next player. The dealer continues to draw and discard and the entire process spreads around the table -- until one player draws four of a kind - at which point they reach for a spoon. All other players must then grab a spoon, of which there is one less than the amount of players, or face a penalty for their lack of reflexes (fake outs are allowed and encouraged - where if a player touches a spoon and a winning hand has not been drawn - that player is docked a point and the round continues). One can either immediately expel the player lacking a spoon from the circle, remove a spoon and play until only two players and one spoon is left -- or play a certain amount of rounds -- docking players points in each round -- so that at the end of a certain number of rounds the player with the least points wins.

Everybody on board? Good.

Well then. At this particularly festive match of spoons, and in the midst of heavy competition -- the air began to fill with a giddy thickness. Giggles and laughing spasms began to accumulate in number, adults began slipping back to childhood and a merry time was being had by all. Spoons were flying as hands were flailing. It was under these circumstances then that Jennifer found it necessary to demonstrate what she thought to be the winning strategy to acquire the desired spoon.

With the raucous din raising everyone's spirits - and the spirits raising the raucous din -- Jennifer proceeded to fling herself across a table which had been extended by two leaves much like a killer whale hurtles itself ashore to capture the desired seal. Archival footage recorded at such high speeds that the recollection has slowed it in order to capture every detail. There was Jennifer -- flying through the air -- and there was everyone else around the table - all wide eyes and teeth laughing giddily - all turning to watch as the slow descent began on the far edge of the table. Slowly she seemed to stretch out - her extended reach beginning to hone in on her treasured spoon. Just as slowly she made her first surface contact -- and in a slight hesitation of time -- all was still.

The second hand upon the wall had not the chance to proceed before a loud SNAP like a thunderclap blanketed the room. Like an elevator free falling between floors, a hydraulic lift malfunctioning -- the extension and leaf of the table succumbed to the forces of gravity - and the divine Ms. Jennifer found herself peering up to faces locked between laughs. It seemed like five minutes passed before we all realized that a good quarter of the table was now being supported only by the knees of those upon whom it had fallen. Here I find my memory quite fails me as to what followed. I remember a sheepish apology followed by momentary concern for all those knees...Soon after laughter returned and a great halo of humiliation began to rise around the fallen. It seemed we all had the opportunity to console Jennifer in her moment of guilt -- and when at last she was sufficiently freed from those horrific immediate moments of embarrassment -- I turned to her and said:

"Well, the important thing is -- better you than me."

So you see -- we all have something we can be thankful for!

I hope everybody had as great a Thanksgiving as myself -- it was wonderful.