September 2005 Archives

Bubbly Giggly Sillily Go!
Brain Stem Seems to Snap Below

Neural Nets Can't Constrain the Flow
Bubbly Giggly Sillily Go!

Bubbly Giggly Sillily Go!
Not much sense is made I know

Bobby said to let it grow
Bubbly Giggly Silly Go!

library cds
distraction
pause...
lasted....

extended periods
silence
formerly raucous rock.

slightly frightening

slightly

Started "work" today. Piles of paperwork - 401k, w4 - whatnot - all due Sunday. Orientation, tour of the library, introduction to several staff members.

Spent an hour behind the reference desk with a librarian - which was a surprise - because today was supposed to be paper day.

At least I got to wear a costume.

To reach into that nook and attempt to pry it open. To take my fingernail, scratch at that crack on the wall, chipping away until the flesh is worn and the red drops rain - peeling back until I can sink my fist in. Leaning back with my hand hooked on the interior, pushing with my feet against the base until the wall is loosed and I fall backwards suddenly - staring at my feet with the blurred ceiling beyond.

I just want to get to them. I haven't forgotten - but I feel forgotten.

So as I continue to rip away at the structures that I suspect impede the conduit - perhaps my clawing becomes emblematic of desperation. It may be that my efforts, brimmed with good intentions, are misunderstood as maniacal acts. But I suspect it is worth the chance.

I hope that when I finish with this wall - when it's shards are stacked about and behind me and I can stare out at whatever is behind it -- that I'll have gathered the residents beyond who wish to share my journey. Strength in numbers - perhaps - but in the past few months I've learned that I do, in fact, have the gumption (in this case, a better word than will) to go it alone.

There will always be more walls. But as walls are constructed - they can be deconstructed. I'd rather take the planks of their composition - and lay them flat across the chasms - and build bridges.

I don't want to surrender those I've held in my heart. It just hurts sometimes to feel that I'm the only one willling to keep these links alive. Still - while it isn't the best of options - I'm starting to love reaching into the darkness beyond the walls. Lately - there seems to be more light pouring in from the outside...and I'm beginning to think I'd had it all backwards. Maybe I'm not trying to get to them - Maybe I'm just trying to get out...

Where once I felt burnt out - I now have the urge to write like mad...

Unfortunately -- I still haven't been able to figure out why the dynamic publishing features of movabletype aren't working...

I know about the openbase dir errors - and how that's host side -- but I can't help but think I've misconfigured something somewheres...

I've sent my final tech support letter to the hosts...begging...pleading for a fix - like a blog junkie.

I'm afeared that if things don't happen - I'll have to go through the trouble of exporting the entries - backing up the database or whatever and redirecting the url to a different host...Not that I don't like it here...It's just...well...difficult right now...

So yeah -- comments are still borked here -- but pretty soon Micki will have pictures of my nephew on her site - and Mark will have resumed regular postings...

And still I feel unfulfilled...

Update: Josh and I chatted for a while and worked out the issues on the site...And let it be known that ANYtime I have had a problem with the site - Josh has been available. There were several major distractions over the past week [Katrina - to even label this horror as a "distraction" is foul] - but everything is hunkydory now...
Now to bandwidth...

Went out and bought the Feist CD on a whim earlier. Best Buy had Red Cross donations meshed seamlessly with the checkout procedure -- so my purchase matched my donation.

I saw Aaron Neville earlier - and he sang a beautiful rendition of Louisiana 1927. Lusting after the Randy Newman.

Here is Marcia Ball's version - Louisiana 1927 [via furrbear (lyrics)]

If you download it...you should donate. It takes less time.

Comments are down for a bit as I try to get dynamic archives off the ground...

The New York Times has hit on a LOT of what I've been thinking over the past three days in their editorial The Man-Made Disaster. With the Guard troops overseas - and the seeming non-response and complete ineffectiveness of the Department of Homeland Security -- you have to wonder what if anything we've learned in the nearly 4 years since 9/11.

DHS Secretary Michael Chertoff needs to be held accountable - and the heads shouldn't stop rolling there. A certain someone -- just as he was 4 years ago - has been on an extended stay at his ranch in Texas. Where does the buck stop these days?